Probably the healthiest chips in the world

These zucchini chips were shared by Shareable Videos. How clever.  People are really getting confused as to what healthy means.  As some comments stated, I don’t think healthy involves covering vegetables in milk, breadcrumbs, and cheese.

Here’s what you’ll need:

Zucchini
Milk- I think I used less than a cup
1 1/4 cup breadcrumbs
2/3 cup Parmesan cheese
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp salt

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This video comes with no written directions.  Just a lovely video. LOLZZZ

So first, I cut the zucchini into small slices.  I have no clue how wide they were.  I just tried to make them the same size.  The zucchini we got at the farmers market was pretty big so I was able to fill 2 cookie sheets with it.

Mix together your dry ingredients in one bowl.  Place your milk in another bowl.

Take the zucchini and dip it into the milk and then put it into the dry ingredients bowl and cover with the breadcrumbs.

Place slices onto a wire rack on top of a cookie sheet.

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The video says to cook them at 400 degrees F for 20 minutes and then shows a wonderful shot of these crispy zucchini chips in a bowl. All lies.

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After 20 minutes

After 20 minutes they were barely even browned.  One chip was pretty thin and showed promise.  I ended up cooking them for 50 minutes total.  On one sheet I flipped the chips after 20 minutes and the other one I left alone.  They cooked the same but the ones I didn’t flip were slightly stuck to the rack when they were done cooking.

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After 50 minutes

These were pretty good actually.  I don’t think I’d make them again but I did eat them all for lunch the day I made them.

For more pictures, check out my Instagram @yourmomsposts.

 

Salsa Chicken Casserole

This recipe was shared by Tip Hero (written recipe here). Besides my mother’s obsession with bananas, it seems apparent she also likes anything taco related.

Here is what you need:

1 cup uncooked rice
1 cup corn kernels
1-15-ounce can black beans, drained and rinsed
1-16-ounce jar salsa
1 cup chicken broth
1-½ teaspoons ground cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon oregano
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon black pepper
1-1/2 pounds chicken breasts, thawed
1 cup shredded cheese blend
2 green onions, sliced- I didn’t use these because Josh used them all before I made this

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The recipe states you can use an 8×8 pan.  The video used a nicer casserole dish.  I had a casserole dish with a lid that looks about 8×8 so I used that.

The best part of this recipe is the easy assembly.  Directly into your dish, combine the rice, beans, corn, salsa, broth, cayenne, and oregano.  Now in the written directions it never said when to use the salt and pepper.  I just threw it in with everything else.  When I watched the video later, I saw they sprinkled it on top of the chicken.  I can’t win with this shit.  If I just watch the video, I mess up.  If I just read the directions, I mess up.

The directions say to cut your chicken into 3 pieces.  I found this weird since the ingredients said 2 chicken breasts but then wanted 3 pieces.  I cut both my pieces in half. I’m such a rebel.  Place the chicken on top of everything and kind of smush it into the liquid as much as possible.

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Cover tightly and bake this at 375 degrees F for 1 hour. You want the rice to be cooked and the liquid to be gone.  Sprinkle on your cheese and bake again until it has melted.  I put it in for 3 minutes uncovered.  Garnish with your green onions.

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As far as taste goes, it was a good level of spice for me and wasn’t too bad.  The only downside is that the rice didn’t cook evenly.  Some of it was mushy, some was perfect, and some was crunchy.  It was like all 3 bears’ rice in one dish.  With that said, I still ate it all.  Even my cat, Batman, ate some of it.  He’s a jerk.

Check out my Instagram @yourmomsposts to see the video of my asshole cat eating this right off my plate.

Triple Chocolate Scones

This recipe was posted by Tasty.  I wonder if they’re hiring for the position of the person who makes all these recipes at Buzzfeed.  I already feel super qualified after 6 months of trying this shit out.  Someone hook me up.

Here’s what you need:

For the scones:
2/3 cup heavy cream
1 large egg
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 3/4 cups all purpose flour
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder- They called for Dutch-pressed.  That shit sounds fancy but I wasn’t about to go buy more cocoa powder for this so regular it is.
1/2 cup sugar
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/3 cup cold unsalted butter
2/3 cup dark chocolate chips- These I did splurge for because then I could eat the rest

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For the glaze:
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1/2 cup powdered sugar
3 tablespoons milk

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In a small bowl, whisk together the heavy cream, egg, and vanilla. Set this aside.

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In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, cocoa powder, sugar, baking powder, and salt.  Now cut your butter into smaller pieces and add to the dry mixture.  The video shows them cutting the butter in with 2 knives.  I did this for about 15 seconds and realized that’s annoying.  I grabbed our masher instead and used that.  Later, I saw you can also use a pastry blender.  In case you don’t know what that is, like I didn’t, it’s one of these.

After you cut the butter in, the mixture should look like “coarse crumbs.” Fancy baking language. Stir in your chocolate chips.

Now add your wet mixture and stir until just combined.  At this point the written recipe says to add more flour or cream accordingly.  As someone who has never made scones, like most average people, I have no idea what to base this “accordingly” off of.  Needless to say, I stuck with it as is.

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Next, knead the dough a few times on a lightly floured surface. And by lightly floured I mean cover the shit out of your surface in flour.  This dough was so damn sticky.  I added flour 3 times, trying to also get it on my hands, because it was sticking everywhere.  I also washed my hands about 4 times because of all the dough stuck to me.  Not much kneading happened.

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If you follow the video, you will form the dough into a small rectangle and cut it into 8 wedges.  If you read the directions, you will form the dough into a circle and cut 8 wedges.  Buzzfeed.  How the fuck are you going to write up a recipe, then make a video of the recipe, which you post on the written directions, and have them be different? Mother fucking how?

Now take whatever wedges you cut and place them on a baking sheet.  They didn’t line theirs, I did. Do you.  These do spread when you bake them so don’t smush them together on a small pan.  Bake at 375 degrees F for 20 minutes. Cool on a wire rack.

To make the glaze, add the ingredients into one bowl and whisk, or stir, the shit out of it until it’s combined. Drizzle this over your scones.  Or, if you are like me and your glaze is too thick for a beautiful, movie worthy drizzle, just pour it on top and smooth out over the scone.

Something to note, my scones did come out looking lighter in color.  I’m assuming that is because I did not want to go find some fancy cocoa powder.  Taste wise, they were good.  I thought they were a little dry.  Josh enjoyed them.  He said they tasted a little like pop tarts. “Would eat again.”

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For more pictures and shenanigans, check out my Instagram @yourmomsposts.

Upside down apple cake

This recipe was shared by Tastemade (full recipe here).  This cake is a little weird because you don’t bake it at all.  It’s all cooked on the stove.

Here’s what you need:

1 apple
1/8 cup raisins
2/3 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup butter, melted
vanilla oil- I don’t know what the fuck vanilla oil is so I used extract and hoped that’s what they meant
cinnamon
1 tbsp brandy
2/3 cup cake flour
1/5 cup almond flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
yogurt
heavy cream

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Before we start, they don’t really specify the pan size they used. I’m noticing a theme here with these posts. They just say frying pan. I had a really wide pan (10-12 inches) or a sauce pan (6 inches).  I decided to play it safe and use the larger pan.  Also, I don’t know about you, but I do not have almond flour hanging around.  I had to go buy a $9 bag of almond flour to use 1/5 cup of it.  Which, who the fuck uses 1/5 cup of anything?

They did a really shitty job of proofreading their recipe as well because the ingredients list says 2/3 cup sugar and in the directions it says to heat the 2/5 cup sugar in the pan.  I give up with these stupid recipes. There are other mistakes but if I write them all here you’re going to be too bored to keep reading.

Cut up the apples into 1/2 inch pieces.

Heat the sugar in the pan until brown and add in the raisins and water. Also add the apples here.  The recipe never says when to add them. Toss to coat and set aside.

In a separate bowl, whisk together the eggs and the 1/4 cup sugar.  It says to whisk until it is light and fluffy. That took fucking forever. Add in the brandy, vanilla, cinnamon.

Sift in both flours and the baking powder. Fold that in and them mix in the melted butter.  Pour this over the apple raisin mixture.

Cover and cook over medium heat for 3 minutes.  Reduce heat to low and cook for 30-35 minutes.  I cooked it for about 25 because the batter was thinner due to the larger pan.  It is done when you can poke it with a toothpick and it comes out clean.

Now that it’s done magically flip it onto a plate and dig in.  This took both me and my cousin and we still almost dropped it.  The sugar part was super sticky.  When I ate it, it immediately stuck to my teeth and was difficult to get off.  I cut it up and stored it in a plastic container overnight and the sugar seemed to have softened up after.

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It was just ok.  Not worth going to buy a $9 bag of almond flour and wasting time baking in a pot.  Stick to a real cake.

Also, I’m sure you’re wondering why the ingredients list yogurt and heavy cream.  They said to serve the cake with whipped cream or yogurt.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.

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See more pictures over on my Instagram @yourmomsposts.

Chocolate Banana Bread Pudding

This recipe was shared from Tasty.  Of course it involves bananas.  I’m seriously convinced that my mom sees anything involving bananas and just hits share.

Here’s what you need:

6–7 slices of bread
4 ripe bananas
3 eggs
1 cup milk
1 tsp cinnamon
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup chocolate chips

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For the bread, I used some Italian bread my parents had in their freezer.  They order Italian food from time to time and in New Jersey that means it always comes with a giant chuck of plain Italian bread.  So I went shopping in their freezer and took a bag they had and cut it up.

First, take your cut up bread and bake it at 350 degrees F for 5 minutes.

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While that’s baking, mash up the bananas in a bowl and stir in the eggs, milk, cinnamon, and vanilla.

Add in the bread and mix together.  My bowl wasn’t big enough so I had to use the bowl from my mixer to fit it all.  Add in the chocolate chips and stir again.

Spoon the mixture into a muffin tin.  I crammed it into one tray.  Bake it at 350 degrees F for 20 minutes.  I realized after I took it out that I probably should have cooked it a little longer since I used a silicone pan.  When I went to eat it, it was a little mushy and I’m going to assume the silicone was to blame.

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Let them cool in the pan for a few minutes and then scoop out with a spoon.

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In Tasty’s video they served it with ice cream and chocolate syrup but I was eating this for breakfast so I just ate it alone.  It was awesome.  I brought them into work the next day for my coworkers and they really enjoyed them as well.  Another successful post.  Why can’t all of my mother’s posts be this good?

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Check out some more pictures on my Instagram @yourmomsposts.

1-pot honey garlic chicken dinner

I feel like this was inevitable.  My mother shared a Slow Cooker Honey Garlic Chicken recipe that I already made.  In her defense, it wasn’t exactly the same.  This version was written based off of the video and even used screenshots from the original video in their post.

I made this again because I had mentioned in my first post that I might change some things.  First, I thought it would be helpful to put all the chicken in the bottom so that they all sat in the liquid while they cooked.  Second, I was going to not burn the shit out of them in the broiler. Third, I was going to make more of an effort to thicken up the sauce.

Disclaimer: I seriously half-assed this recipe.  I already made it once, I had made several other blog posts earlier, and Orange Is The New Black season 4 was out.  Priorities people.

I also forgot to take pictures of all of this because I’m a slacker.  So check out the original post to see more pictures.

So I made the sauce and cut the potatoes and carrots.  I put all the chicken at the bottom, the potatoes and carrots on top and poured in the sauce.  I cooked this on high for about 3 hours.  It says to cook it for 4 but we were in a bit of a time crunch because we had plans.  I say we because my cousin came down to watch OITNB with me.

I opened the lid when it was done and just took out a piece of chicken and a few potatoes and carrots.  I didn’t even bother broiling the chicken this time. There definitely was a reason they put the vegetables in the middle of the chicken.  The potatoes and carrots were all pretty much raw.  I didn’t have any time to fix the disaster I made so I just left it in the pot and refrigerated it overnight.

The next day I took it out and cooked it for another 2 hours.  This allowed the potatoes and carrots to cook completely.  I forgot all about adding the green beans to cook both days.  This whole thing was just a hot mess.

Once it was done cooking, I removed all the food from the crock pot so I could thicken up the sauce.  I added about a tablespoon and a half of corn starch into the sauce and whisked it until there were no lumps.  I have a regular cook button on my crock pot so I just hit that for 20 minutes and left the lid off.  I would like to be able to tell you that it took 20 minutes to cool down but I really have no clue.  For some reason the time never went down so I don’t know how long it really cooked for.  The sauce thickened up really nicely though and was just as delicious as I remember.

So long story short, follow the directions from the original post but cook the shit out of the sauce to make it thicker once it’s done.

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For more pictures and general shenanigans, check out my Instagram @yourmomsposts

Skinnytaste Crock Pot Chicken Taco Chili

My mom had posted this pretty early in the year but I just decided to make it because I have already made this recipe numerous times.  I don’t understand why she even shared it because she’s had it before.  This is my go to chili recipe.  I actually have Gina’s cookbook and it is full of great recipes.

Here is what you need:

1 small onion, chopped
1 (15.5 oz) can black beans
1 (15.5 oz) can kidney beans
1 (8 oz) can tomato sauce
10 oz package frozen corn kernels
2 (10 oz) cans diced tomatoes w/chilies
4 oz can chopped green chili peppers, chopped- I skipped this and added 2 full jalapenos
1 packet reduced sodium taco seasoning or homemade (she has a homemade recipe on her page)
1 tbsp cumin
1 tbsp chili powder
24 oz (3-4) boneless skinless chicken breasts
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro- I skipped this as well.  It’s just for garnish

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Now here come the world’s easiest instructions.  Add all the ingredients except the chicken and cilantro into your crock pot.  Stir everything together and place the chicken breasts on top.

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Cover and cook on low for 8-10 hours or on high for 4-6 hours.

30 minutes before it is done, take out the chicken breasts and shred them.  You can do this with 2 forks or just throw it in a mixer and it’ll shred it for you.  I went with the mixer.

Add the chicken back in and stir together.  Serve it with your favorite toppings.

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This chili is always a hit.  I have made it several different ways so you really have the freedom to customize it.  I’ve made it milder by using regular diced tomatoes instead of the ones with chilies and also left out the jalapenos.  I’ve also made it spicier by adding extra jalapenos or hot sauce.  Enjoy!

Check out my Instagram @yourmomsposts for more pictures!